


Hate You Too

by Nicnac



Category: Smallville
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-24
Updated: 2012-06-24
Packaged: 2017-11-08 10:25:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/442183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicnac/pseuds/Nicnac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lex and Oliver are trapped in an elevator together. Snark ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hate You Too

**Author's Note:**

> You may be wondering, why are Lex and Oliver in an elevator together? My answer to you is, would you rather read a poorly thought out and contrived reason for them to be in this situation, or would you rather read them bitching at each other? That's what I thought.
> 
> For your reading ease, Lex will always speak first.

“This is by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me.”

“It’s not exactly a picnic for me either, Lex.”

“You know what Oliver; I’m trapped in a room with a man who made my life a living hell for three years. You’ll excuse me if I don’t feel bad for you.”

“Are you still on about the high school thing? That was over fifteen years ago, let it go.”

“I forgot about high school. Make that six years.”

***

“You know this will be a bit easier if we try to be civil to each other.”

“Fine. How’s being an evil bastard working out for you?”

“Mmm, quite well thank you. How’s the terrorism thing coming?”

“Oh, fuck you.”

“You wish.”

***

“What the hell made you think merging our companies was a good idea?”

“It was a sound business choice.”

“We can’t stand each other.”

“You weren’t the one running LuthorCorp back then. _Tess_ and I got along just fine.”

“Please, I really don’t need details on how you defiled my baby sister.”

“Defiled? We were in a relationship! It’s not like I was some marauder who swooped in a pillaged her town before sullying her innocent virtue.”

“So says you.”

“And what do you care? You’re the one that killed her.”

“Those charges were dropped.”

“We both still know you’re the one that did it.”

“Besides, she was _my_ sister.”

“You’re insane.”

***

“I swear to God, I hate you so much.”

“Hate you too.”

***

“You’re leather-clad, self-righteous asshole!”

“Pompous son of a bitch!”

“Fucking friend stealer!”

“What the hell did you just call me?”

“I’ve had two real friends in my life, Clark and Duncan, and you turned them both against me.”

“You’re so full of shit. You’ve had more than two friends.”

“Want to bet?”

“Okay, I’ll play into your little pity party; you’ve only had two friends. But the truth is Clark stopped being friends with you long before I came into the picture. And Duncan… that was high school. Move on already.”

“Alright, I’ll move on. Let’s talk about how you killed me.”

“You can’t prove that.”

“We both still know you’re the one that did it.”

***

“That’s your ringtone?”

“Shut the hell up. Hey babe, sorry I’m late… I’m stuck in an elevator with Lex… Tell me about it… No, that’s fine the maintenance guys are already – if you insist… I’ll see you soon then.”

“Who was that?”

“Chloe.”

“The nosy blonde reporter who doesn’t know how to be properly grateful when someone saves her life?”

“Watch it. That’s my wife you’re talking about.”

“My condolences to you both.”

“Keep it up Lex. As soon as we get out of here I think I’m going to have a little target practice.”

***

“What’s that noise?”

“That would be our one-man rescue team.”

“You guys haven’t killed each other. Good.”

“Yeah, but if you had been five minutes later… Thanks Cl-Superman.”

“Oliver, I know this is a lost cause, but don’t be a moron. Clark, thanks for your help. I still hate you for lying to me and we’re still enemies.”

 “Sure thing Lex.”

“Now, if you excuse me, I’ve wasted enough time today.”

“He’s fucking insane.”

“Pretty much.”


End file.
